Services

Funerals For Life Jeff Your Body Here

The Funeral Party Experience

Individual Full Embalming & Funeral Service Package

$350

This is our most popular and all encompassing offer.

The Embalming Session! As the body, you start out with a private half an hour session on our mortician’s table where we pamper you with a performative display of taking you through the step by step procedures needed to prep your corpse for The Viewing. This includes getting toe-tagged, simulated formaldehyde embalming and organ removal, light “Rigormortis Massage,” hair and nail stylings, filling out the death certificate, snapping your “Morgue Shot,” and so much more. Bring a friend to take photos! Once you are all done up, you will be guided through a gentle meditation to get you into a ghostly frame of mind, at which point we’ll get you situated in our comfy casket (which we promise no ACTUAL dead person has ever laid in!).

The Service! Your guests will begin to arrive, and programs will be distributed. We will have preassigned some Pal Bearers (or “Paul Bears” if you’re feeling extra goofy) to escort your body to the front of the space, either by traditional lift and carry, or just rolling you along like a lil’ red wagon in our sweet smooth wheeled coffin. We organize, decorate, and lead the ceremony, inviting a special person of your choosing up to perform your official eulogy, and others to share stories and memories over your body. Your obituary will be read, and some short prayers poems or jokes told. The service will conclude with The Viewing, where everyone get sot file by and say their goodbyes and take a last glance at your (still breathing) corpse.

The Burial & Wake! Lastly we will all circle around for a symbolic “burial” under a roll of astroturf, with a customized headstone placed atop your grave. Now that you’re officially dead and in the ground, you will be free to rise up from the casket as a “spirit” (under a lacy shroud), and join your guests at the wake for some mixing and mingling. Ghost party!

This full experience takes some advanced planning, and will generally last about 3 hours (1 for embalming, 1 for the service, and 1 for the wake party)

 

Just the Coffin

A Funeral Service A La Carte

$250

If you are more excited about the social playing dead part of the event, and less keen on laying on a table while we pretend to take your guts out, you can hire us to set up for your service minus the Embalming session. See above…

 

Contemplate Mortality

A Meditative ASMR Embalming Spa For One (Or Two)

$200

An extended embalming session (see above) infused with atmospheric eeriness, a guided meditation through the veil, and a talk back session about all things related to death and dying. This is a great way approach mortality with curiosity, openness, and whatever else that might bring up for you, be it fear, grief, laughter, disgust, and/or acceptance. All emotions welcome… We will customize the tone to be as sombre or whimsical a you desire. And you’ll leave looking fantastically corpsy!

 

Morgue Tent Embalming Sessions

Bring our Morticians to Your Next Event/Festival

1/2 day – $100, 1 day – $175, 3 day weekend – $350

Our traveling morgue can set up just about anywhere for passersby to enjoy. Each 15 min session is your chance to experience the morgue while still breathing. Two madcap morticians will expertly (and consensually) tend to any corpse who dares to sign up, performing an autopsy, embalming, and prepping the body for viewing. A unique oddly relaxing immersive sensory exploration like nothing you’ve ever experienced in this life. Your guests will be raving about our spooky-yet-relaxing ASMR sensory spa morgue makeovers! A great conversation-starter that will send folks away with unique party favors and memories to last a deathtime…